秋田小茶迪

silence

也想做你生命里
伟大的渺小

Memorandum in Nov.

1109
1. Think more of your plan and be a executer rather than an obsessor. Keep off the historical bad habits as an old-fashioned fan,
be yourself and be his friend.
2. The most closed moment with him is in his music, is when you hear and feel, not the 50 meters away from the stage.
Since you have felt a giant distance from him even when he has been that near.
3. Treasure the access to communicate, in music or literature, and keep your own taste and dignity, and keep his own space and liberty, as the appreciator and the beloved one should stand in equality.
4. Every marvel matches him, but his own recognition ranks the first. He does not need inflating fame and uncritical compliment. He does not require you for anything, so he is not obliged to give you anything. Though an idol always means showing off and gaining spoiled love from a growing numbers of certain group, and I can tolerate all the shallow emotional needs, he is still the different one.
5. Sense of proud comes from him, and after all it is not your pride.

Sense of proud comes from him, while appreciation can come from every lovely figure.


1110

BBC asks, why can Trump tweets in China. We are likely to answer, because he is the president! But we are less likely to ask ourselves, why do they raise such questions? 

Quite a lot of Chinese self-media talk about Trump's China trip like a chunk of joke, as an avoiding of political mistakes and also of a civil' s further thinking, as well as a shelter provided by entertainment, while BBC, in their conventional stance of equality and liberty, put our ignored topic onto news agenda. 

We can ascribe it to an opportunity for them to propagandize western ideology, out of our visions on ideology. It makes sense but has less value in our understanding and reflection of our own country.

I learned another view from a lesson yesterday. The teacher explained why Chinese act like audience all the time from the angle of rights and obligations. The blur between them and lack of daily training to reach them hardens the shape of a real group of citizens.

The song,
Capsulates my ending holiday day when I wandered alone around the North Street and greeted the autumn wind after every supper, gently echoing with the silent dream and secretly pushing it to reality.
All I wanna say is thank you.

当你的眼睛眯着笑 当你的女朋友好不好

日常一loop《爱你》

依然意乱情迷

插耳机走在路上对着路人露出姨母笑

非我本意

我会加油的。

“话说 昨晚下课回寝路上 两个月以来 第五十五遍 我第一次觉得自己听懂了女儿情 之前吹再多都是别人说的”

“上课呢 下课跟我讲讲女儿情”

哎好。

“梦境的说法也是别人说的,但是我昨晚第一次感受到吧。”

“我想,你觉得一首歌唱得好,情绪表达得好,一定是因为他故事讲得好。”

十月

10.18

I love knowing to see you, love waiting with full hope, love you sitting somewhere and I am sitting right there.

So sorry for those embarrassing or noisy moments, so grateful for your tolerance and elegance.

And lucky to find I gain more than I have expected. Yearning for your laugh, your talking, your glimpse on my direction, your standing on the stage, for a dream proud of not being a dream any longer. How I wish, that minutes slow down, peace and sound blow into your lung, and if I have ever passed by your cosmos.

While actually, I felt a deliberate sign of attaching deep meaning to every moment for a monument of the past two months, reminding myself of seizing each chance to gaze at you.

But surprisedly, I learned more valuable outlooks when I' m not looking at you. Let the scope be more extensible, catch dear masters' caring and delicate words only for the sons of music, grasp fresh ideas towards our own life. Like what she had said, marvelous to hear of a great many benevolent comments, though with certain stance, can have gradual impact on his road. Or he said, just keep your youth and go down the track, it is okay to be you, vibrant, creative and uncontrived. Or they said, they can hear light autumn from a song. How beautiful.

Really, really enjoy the night besides your treasured company.

Thank you, so much.


i am coming coming coming to see you

九月

170916

做一些庸碌而本份的事情,有时候顾不及珍视的人。忙时不爱回头看,但他说,回头竟然认不得,所以请等一等。
面了半天试,对照到两种人,得到琐碎的反省。一句坦诚的道谢居然比长长的答案更动人。知道了立世时,我字要淡下来,谦和总是得人心。
室友零工好活计,初尝经济独立的甜味,我在一旁笑她要膨胀了,但她却说,得失心要轻,团队分享,还有交际经验,其实比酬劳来得更有意义。这个没错,但此时此刻,最让你开心的,还不是钱噢。
有点羡慕,只有用话来宽慰。
“这世界很大,但你知道,有一天你会有很多。”
怀揣着一种可能的想象去走路,预料路上要有很多次自行的感动与确认,将来不可知,至少如今坚定好的东西该去做到问心无愧,借以自制力,恒心,和想望的荣光。

很期待看到你,正想着奔向你。

__________

Working on ordinary, trivial or obliged tasks, even set the treasured one aside unconsciously. Feel a loss of sense of nostalgic, which contradicts the belief of his caring song. And he reminds me with a tender breeze that, you may feel amazingly strange when looking backwards, so let's ask every pedestrian for a moment stop.

Attain an inspiration in an afternoon interview, by a contrastion. A gratitude with honesty can overweigh an answer with contemplation. Sothe word 'self' should take a less place in mind and humbleness always wins you applasue.

My roommate has tried an odd work and slightly tasted the sweetness of economic independence. I laughed at her for her inflation, but she values spirit of cooperation and joy of communication more than gaining money. Though I believe money ranks the first for cheering her up. hhhhh

Walk with a possible imagination, in anticipation of consecutive experiences of self-confirm. Faced towards an unknown future, but endeavor to pursuit what have firmly aspired for, by virtue of self-restrain, perseverance and hope.

Looking forward to seeing you, can't help thinking of running to you.



170923

I feel I am pliable since my emotion flows up and down with others' comments and actions. Is it a recent loss of self or an entrenched character formed at an early stage? Or is it actually the contrast between ostensible excellence and substaintial incompetence that terrifies me? Anyway, sense of inferiority manifests itself now. 

But let's find some turning point. Like, it reminds me that the spiritual affliction have a mental source, which is avoidable and fixable. Also consider the weather, frequent rain brings us depress. And different values often crash together and sometimes turn into conflict, but the point is viewing it in a objective and overall way. Being a leader is the same as being a social scientist or a rational scholar, both needs to get on well with emotions, crystallize the inner self and depict a full-scale scene.

Pessimism is self-confirming, so is optimism. Hold on the aspirations, beliefs and persist in actions. Time will scrutinize one's endurance.


0925

Talk about responsibility and individual life. It is essentially a classic moral question. I express it as a dilemma at first, on the presuppose that responsibility has conflict with individual freedom or happiness. It happens when things that you carry on mainly rest on you must or need to do, rather than you like or want to do. So the essential solution may be a transition of thinking pattern and a more tolerant and positive mind.

While at another situation, not only the uncomfortable feeling tortures someone, the discount of interests or benefits also bothers. And we tend to take cost and rewards into account. But to think deeper, it is also speculated under the premise that the discount is inescapable. So before yielding, we have to verify whether we have options to resolve the paradox, or to coordinate the conflict. If not, take a mindful look into the pros and cons. What makes it hard to resolve is a necessary sense of morality, which includes others' comments, the initial goal of a team and one's own conscience.

The complexity always drives one mad when he has to start thinking of such problems. But I believe it is not rational analysis but sense and intuition that makes the final verdict.


0926

They take 'interesting' for granted. Maybe it means humorously talkative, imaginatively creative, or flexibly knowledgeable. No accurate answer to it yet. But one's value is shown in an answer.

It is not common to discuss 'interesting' at a serious attitude these days. Since rapid relationships push us to label everyone, or use some fixed and cool words to attract anyone. And 'interesting' becomes a frequent choice at some time, when I can amuse you maybe, then I am to some extent a funny man.

But I learn some new insight into it after a chat with a friend. He judged me as 'interesting' simply by catching my proper cognition. It is joyful to hear that comment and helpful for me to hold part of my beliefs. While it also inspired me to have a further thinking. I believe what have mentioned above is a necessity in the understanding of 'interesting'. But restrain, humbleness and moderation are the merits easy to be ignored since we are inclined to show off. And I feel that they are exactly the core of 'interesting'. As the grasp of profound joy comes from minutes, hours, days and years, rather than a rushed meeting and a rough label.

And in the end, a thousand explanation flows on a thousand minds. We are conscious to be what we like, and we should be conscious to be what I truly like. He said it is being yourself that is the most interesting thing. So moderately enjoy our individuality.


0927

A friend of mine has reflected his future goal recently and sighed and said, knowing myself is really difficult. I laughed and added that knowing a self has not been easy.

It is commonly believed in psychology that the image of self comes from sense of mental coherence, which is probably based on memory, relatively stable relationship and adapted environment, with few direct connections of soul, heart and mind. As to the existence of an intrinsic nature of certain person, it is hard to reach a consensus, since we grow and change over time. And the so-called character is often a heritage of the social environment. Apart from that, several labels cannot simply describe one's substantial distinctions. 

But we still hold the belief that I am the only and special existence in the world, emotionally rather than rationally to some extent. One thing assured is that admitting our specialty confirms us safety and provides meanings of life.

Let's stop consider meaning itself. Maybe it is the trick that nature or society plays with us, to achieve their aims of evolution, development, or other.